Proving Ourselves

**Sit quietly, eyes closed, for one minute before reading.**

    I spend so much energy trying to prove myself. Prove that I am worth talking to, prove that I am good at something, prove that I deserve something. I want to prove myself worthy. I am worth your time, I am worth your energy, I am worth something.
    And so I do it with God. It is a lot more subtle than my relationship with people, but I do it with God too. I spend time and energy to prove I am worth loving, that I am worth having certain things. I perform for His approval yet His approval is in NO WAY dependent on my performance. God’s love and approval is not dependent on ANYTHING that I say, do or am. I’ve got nothing to contribute, nothing.
    This is freeing and scary. We do not get grace. His grace does not require anything and that is just weird to us … a foreign concept … it is strange … it is the exact opposite of how I work, yet it is how HE works. He works radically different than we do and is continually drawing us into His grace.
    How do you fight grace? How do you try to prove yourself worthy?

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Defending Your Worth

**Before you begin reading, sit down, breathe normally and be quiet for 1 minute.**

    Defending your worth. I often find myself making statements that defend my worth. Someone makes a comment and I respond with a statement that is a defense for why I am worth listening to. Someone misunderstands me and it drives me crazy when I cannot make it right. We defend why we made a decision or defend why we received something or have been given an opportunity or a compliment.
    At the core of feeling like we have to defend our worth is the fact that we are judging ourselves on a faulty scale. We are judging ourselves based on what people say rather than what God says. What people say is that we are worthy according to our function, what we can do and how close to "perfect" we can get. What God says is we are worthy because of who we are - His child. We are His children because of His gracious love and what we can do is based on grace.
    The truth is, all of life is grace. We can work hard for things, but our worth is not dependent on our work, our worth is based on grace. Life is grace, what we have been given is grace, gifts to us. We are loved by God - this is true worth.

**Sit quietly again for as much time as is available to you.**

Internal Scoreboard

I'm changing it up a bit today. Here's a quote from one of my favorite author's and theologians.

“When we start by being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth.  And before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul to the many grade-givers.  That means we are not only in the world, but also of the world.  Then we become what the world makes us.  We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade.  We are helpful because someone says thanks.  We are likable because someone likes us.  And we are important because someone considers us indispensable. In short, we are worthwhile because we have successes.  When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than as friends with whom we share the gifts of life.”  Henri Nouwen, Show Me the Way.

Do you keep an internal scoreboard, giving yourself points and measuring your worth? If so, how does this effect your relationships?

**Sit quietly for as much time as is available to you.**