Holy Saturday

    Many of us live in Holy Saturdays. We are in between a death of some kind and the resurrection to come. This is the day of unknown, chaos, confusion and grief. It is the day between the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. 

    I wish that our Holy Saturdays were just one day - one day of grief, confusion, chaos and hope lost. For many Holy Saturday is much longer.

   The weight of Holy Saturday is far more than we can bear. We cannot bear it alone. We need others. We need God otherwise we might quickly fall into despair. 

   It is in Holy Saturday that we choose to continue to believe, that we hold onto the promises of God ... In particular that He resurrects. The only way possible is through the One who began and ended Holy Saturday over 2,000 years ago and will end all Holy Saturdays. There will come a day when there are no more Holy Saturdays, no more tears, no more grief, no more chaos and no more death. Hope and faith will be realized and love will remain.

   Until then may we lean on the Spirit given to us by the One who conquered Holy Saturday. May we  lean on the community of faith and be the community of faith that helps  hold hope in the midst of the chaos.

   For some Holy Saturday has stretched far too long and for others Holy Saturday has just begun. Wherever you are as you wait, may hope increase as you lean into the promises of God. Resurrection is coming ...

The Death of a Dream

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    A few months ago a good friend of mine used the phrase, “The Death of a Dream”. This phrase was also used in my chaplain training when referring to the loss of a child. Of course, there are many layers of grief in death; these are just the first places I heard of grieving the “death of a dream”.

    We all have dreams, we imagine what something will be like, and then it doesn’t come true. We think we know how something will turn out and it turns out the opposite of what we expected. The men on the road to Emmaus after Jesus death said to Him, “But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel.” (Luke 24:21) (Jesus was in fact standing there before them but they could not see him … they could not see the miracle of resurrection … yet.)

    All of us have had hopes, expectations and dreams that did not turn out like we hoped, expected or dreamed. Our dream has died and we grieve. The men on the road to Emmaus were grieving. One truth I gain from them is this: resurrection is sometimes standing right in front of us. God can resurrect anything and sometimes resurrection is standing in front of us and we just cannot see it. We do not have the promise that resurrection will come in our lifetime (although I do wish there was a three day turn around on any death) but we have the promise that Jesus is with us. And maybe, just maybe resurrection is before us we just cannot see it.

    My prayer is this: That God would give us the grace to see resurrection. He was, after all, the one that opened the eyes of the men on the road. That we would grieve well that which we dreamed of that we do not ignore the pain of death. That we would also look up with expectation that Jesus who rose from the dead can also raise our dreams up from the dead. And as He does we would trust His timing and would have eyes open wide enough to see the miracle of resurrection.

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

The Gift of Pain

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    Sounds like an oxymoron, I know. I do not love pain and I do not often find myself pursuing it. I think most of us avoid pain, afraid of what it means, afraid of what it does to us and often unsure of what to do about it. It seems as if we really just want to avoid pain or pretend it does not exist.

    In and of itself pain is not good. Do not translate its potential as a gift meaning that it is good. Pain, though, can be a vital indicator … an indicator of the need for healing. If there is physically something wrong with us I want pain at the earliest point possible so I can start treatment for healing.

    In our spiritual lives the presence of pain can be a gift because it shows us our need for healing. (Notice the word can.) It shows us our need for great God. It shows us how much we need Jesus and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. It is difficult, no doubt, especially when the pain is extended and even chronic.

    No, pain is not good yet it can serve as an indicator and reminder that this world is not as it should be. It reminds us that we need healing and that we need a Savior in EVERY aspect of our lives and of those around us.

    Is there something painful in life now? Could this pain be a gift that leads to healing? How will you lean into God and trust His healing in His time?

    Prayers for you in your pain, in your hurt and in healing.

**Sit in silence again for as long as is available to you.**

Competitor or Companion?

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    Competition and companionship. These realities of life are present each and ever day. They can be especially in the life of a mommy. As the Mommy Wars attest, there is so much competition between mommies, between women, truly within all of humanity. I compete, I love to learn and grow and I do it through competition. If I am further honest with myself I really love it when I am winning, when I am ahead of the game. I am not as good of a “loser”. My pride is hurt, I am humbled and all sorts of false thoughts enter my head. When I am in competition mode it is only about me, my ego and me winning.

    Competition is not a bad thing, it can help us learn and grow, be sharpened and improve. Competition also teaches us humility and weakness and the realities of being human.

    I have realized that some of the people I appreciate most are those who push me, challenge me and help me grow. We compete. They are also my great companions. They are companions in this journey of life and if I only compete with them and focus on myself then I miss out on their beautiful companionship.

    I always thought I had to choose between being a competitor or a companion with someone. How about both?

    How can someone be both a competitor and companion? I am still figuring this out, but I think there might be something to a competitive companion that will challenge and nurture us in faith and in life and we are missing out if all we have are competitors and not competitive companions.

**Sit in silence again for as long as is available to you.**

My Heart Hurts

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    My heart hurts for the parent who is unsure whether his/her baby will survive the next 24 hours. My heart hurts for the one who has watched their child self-inflict painful gashes on their forearms. My heart hurts for the parent who has desperately prayed for their child and watches that child walk towards pain and destruction. My heart hurts for parents whose children have lost hope in anything good.

    My heart hurts and so does God’s. God is not unfamiliar with pain, mockery, betrayal, children who self-inflict, who have lost hope. God is not unfamiliar with the parent who is desperate for their child to be healed, restored and redeemed.

    God is not unfamiliar with the parent’s desperate heart that so loves their child and would do anything for him/her. God is not unfamiliar and He is not far.

    Grace upon grace to you if you are a parent in pain for their child.

**Sit again for as long as is available to you.**

Let Them Create

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    Creativity. There are so many forms. Some involve color and some no color. Some are seen and others unseen. Other forms demand the use of multiple senses and some only one sense. Some creativity we deem more valuable than others. Sometimes creativity is a linear and clean process and sometimes it looks like a mess with no purpose.

    Spending some time with God one evening He encouraged me to “Let Luke create.” Luke is my (almost) four year old son. The past week he “baked” a cake that included water, pico de gallo, raspberries, BBQ chips and apples. We of course pretended to eat it and I found myself resisting it so many ways. First, get past the ingredients, then the potential mess, and then the unique smell and the seeming endlessness of wanting to bake again and again.

    As I sat with God praying over something that had nothing to do with creativity, He reminded of what it is like to have creativity squelched. It was not an easy reminder and these words followed, “Let Luke create.” They still hit me hard and I hope I will let him create even if it does not make sense or potentially messes up my “tidy” (used loosely) life.

    Also, the secondary word to me was, “Let yourself create.” So my hope and prayer is that you would allow creativity, imagination and play into your life, both your life and the life of your children.

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

The Gift of Inquiry

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    The gift of inquiry can take you deeper. The gift of inquiry helps to see farther into the words that we say and the beliefs that we hold on to. This gift can unleash the truth of our actions, reflecting why we do what we do. The right inquiry, the best questions often lead us to fuller, richer and truer understandings of ourselves, others and God.

    Inquiry comes in many forms – a good question, silence waiting for a response, a reflective statement or open-ended statement. A friend of mine asks many questions. Her questions are good, probing and demanding that I dig deeper into the words I exclaim. I often found myself frustrated because she would not just let me talk. She was giving me a gift, a gift that brought forth truer and richer things, things that I would have never seen if she did not slow me down.

    Jesus inquired often as well. He would ask a question that would slow someone down, possibly change the direction of their thinking and reveal their hearts and sometimes God’s heart. As you spend time in prayer, consider what Jesus might be asking you.

    How might you slow your prayers down and consider why you are saying what you are saying? How might Jesus want to take you deeper?

    PS A great inquiry statement/request when you offer this gift to another: “Tell me more.”

**Sit again for as long as is available to you.**

God Keeps His Promises

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    God keeps His promises. He is good, He is in control. His promises bring great freedom.

    His promises include (and are not limited to) unconditional love, great hope, great joy, that He is good, that He knows your heart, that He created you just like He wanted you, that He delights in you and that He will never leave you.

    Will you believe His promises today?

**Sit again for as long as is available to you.**

Playlists

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    Most of us have playlists. We have different playlists for different workouts (disclaimer: I have A playlist for A workout), a playlist for times of productivity, a playlist to relax, etc. We tailor these playlists according to the function of what we are doing or maybe emotions that we want to evoke. Playlists have great power, they are put together by us and we can control what is on repeat and how long they play.

    We also have playlists in our minds. These are lists that have been put together by us, have great power and we can control what is on repeat and how long they play. Unfortunately these mental playlists are often negative. We rehearse words spoken to us that were (and are) hurtful, we have a failure on repeat or we might remind ourselves of what we think is unlovely about us.

    What playlist do you have playing? Spend some time in prayer and ask God to help you be attentive to the playlists that are on repeat in your mind.

    How will you reset your playlist? What words of truth will be your songs?

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Looking Around

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    I don’t know about you but I look around a lot. I look around to see a cute outfit, how someone is parenting, what they are reading, how they are responding. I look around A LOT. I learn from observation and too many times people have caught me staring. (Sorry about that).

    There is a lot to learn from looking around and from watching. There is a lot to unlearn as well. This past Sunday I was reminded how the nation of Israel looked around as well. They looked around and rather than learning, growing, being thankful and trusting God, they demanded. They looked around and demanded that God serve them in certain ways, that He give them certain things and act like they wanted.

    If I am honest with myself, I realize I am much like the Israelites. I look around and say, “God, why won’t you do that?” or “God, I would like that.” Often God does not honor my requests and even if I am not grateful in the moment, I have opportunity to turn His response into gratitude.
   
    What about you? Do you look around?

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Grace +

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do no submit again to a yoke of slavery.” The Apostle Paul, The Bible

    Anything but grace alone is grace +. Grace plus ____. We live our lives under grace and add laws to ensure us of our spirituality and spiritual state before God. For some reason we are drawn to working for something rather than receiving something. We are wired to believe that what you put in you get out. One of the things that Jesus Christ does when we trust Him is that He changes this hard-wiring. Because of Christ we stand on grace not on works. 

    Yet … we need help with the habit. We need help being transformed and moved out of this daily habit that our hearts, minds and bodies know as natural. We have been in slavery and Christ is calling us to freedom. It takes adjustment and the more we follow Him, the more it gets adjusted.

    Live into grace, into freedom and into the transformation that God promises.

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

The Gift of Celebration

**Sit quietly, eyes closed in silence for one minute before reading.**

    How fun it is to celebrate! I recently attended a friend’s wedding that was a great celebration. This is a friend that knows how to enjoy life and she danced the evening away in celebration of her wedding day, the day that God brought her and her husband together as one.

    She is a picture for me of how to enjoy life and celebrate well. She offers a gift to me as she lives life fully and celebrates the things that God has done, whether great or small. We get to celebrate as we watch God love us and love others through new life, redemption, freedom, healing and blessing.

    What have you celebrated lately? What will you celebrate today?

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Upheavals

**Sit quietly, eyes closed in silence for one minute before reading.**

    Have you had an upheaval lately? Has something turned your world upside down? Maybe it is an unexpected location change, an unexpected change to your family, a loss of some kind or even a gain. Maybe it is a word that was spoken that has you thinking or an act that has shifted your perspective.

    Life is full of upheavals, great and small. Sometimes these upheavals are met with frustration – we did not see them coming, we do not like the changes they require. Sometimes these upheavals are a welcome change, truth and light spoken in the dark.

    What upheaval has God allowed or brought into your life? How will you meet it? How will you trust and turn to God as He walks with you into the new normal?

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Ms. Fix-It

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    I have a habit of fixing things, of helping, of stepping in when not asked or offering help without asking. I have often hurt things by my attempt to help. For some reason, I assume that everyone could use some help. Not only do I assume that everyone could use my help, I also place that assumption on God.

    Surely God needs my help to fix my sin, to smooth out rough edges and to take care of things. Surely God could use some assistance. (Are you laughing yet??)

    If I am honest with myself I am trying to fix me rather than allow God to transform me. Fixing has me in charge, in control and with a timeline. Allow God to transform me involves trust, surrender and His timeline. (Did I just use three curse words?)

    How are you trying to “fix it” rather than trusting God to transform? How will you trust in His perfect process to conform you to become more and more like Christ?

**Sit quietly again for as long as is available to you.**

Extra Work

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

“What God wants done clashes with what I want to do for Him.”
         Brennan Manning – The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus

    Noble as it sounds, often what we want to do for God is not what He is asking us to do. I have my list of virtuous offerings for God that would look good to the human eye. Yet my virtuous offerings have to do with me and how I want to serve (even if they are self-sacrificial and honorable) rather than how God is calling me. For some reason I think I know myself better and know what I best have to offer. If I would allow God, He will show me deeper parts of me and greater works than I could ever dream of. And here’s the kicker – His call would become exactly what I want to do and what God wants and what I want will slowly align.

    To discern what God wants means that I actually take the time to listen to God. I need to take the time to hear from God in prayer. This means I need to shut up. Yes, prayer includes talking to God and it also includes listening to God.

    Do you know what works God is calling you to? Are there “extras” that you have added? 
    Will you sit and listen today?

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Loving Well

**Sit quietly, eyes closed in silence for one minute before reading.**

“We are the least loving when we feel unloved”.

    This phrase resonates with me as I reflect back on times where I am incredibly unloving. Often if I pause to look within I realize that I am upset about something, complaining and possibly hurt. It is when I feel unloved (though this feeling is not the truth) that I am then unloving.

    The truth is that I have not been sitting with my loving Daddy lately. I have not been sitting, resting and talking with Him. I have forgotten His love for me in my mind and am not feeling it. So, I take it out on another. I love poorly because I understand His love poorly.

    How will you sit with God today? How will you allow Him to remind you of His love? Take the time to sit with your loving Daddy who wants to be with you, hold you and hang out with you.

Have more than two minutes? Read and meditate on John 15:4-5.

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Trusting a Stranger

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    “We need to know Him … To be blunt, life is simply too demanding and overwhelming at times to think I can manage without knowing the one who rules the winds and waves that batter my little vessel. We ask too much of ourselves to try and trust a stranger.” – When Life and Beliefs Collide, Carolyn Custis James

    Do you trust strangers? Do you live each day entrusting strangers to the things you love most dearly? Do you live sharing your deepest self with those whom you do not know? Sounds crazy, right?

    This is why I wanted to share the thought above with you. I love what Carolyn says about needing to know God. We often come to God when life is crazy, painful and we are raw and we wonder why we have trouble trusting Him … often God has been a stranger and we did not even realize it.

    We have not really gotten to know God. We have not gotten to know God when life is good, the sun is shining brightly and our hope is great. It is during these times that we often forget about God and we lose sight of who He is until we need Him. We then come to Him and He seems far off and at a distance. One reason might be because He has become or might still be a stranger.

    How can you get to know Him better today? It what way can you connect with Him? Wherever you are in relationship with Him, continue to get to know Him.

PS A great to begin is reading the Bible and talking with Him. Start at John 1 in the Bible.

**Sit again for as long as is available to you.**

Wounded Healers

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    We have all been wounded. Wounds that healed quickly, wounds that cut deep, wounds that have scarred us and wounds that remain tender. To live life means that we have and will have wounds.

    We have the choice whether to continue as walking wounded or allow God to transform us into wounded healers.

    It is true that hurt people hurt people. I believe it is also true that hurt people can heal people. Hurt people seems redundant to me … we all get hurt. We have a choice whether we allow the hurt to continue to hurt us or allow God to heal us. We may not fully heal in this life, but we can get as close to full healing as possible.

    What wounds are still open in your life? How will you allow God to comfort, transform and heal you? How will God use you as a wounded healer to help others heal from their hurts?

**Sit again for as long as is available to you.**

Have more than two minutes? Read and meditate on 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

The Quest Costs

**Sit quietly, eyes closed, in silence for one minute before reading.**

“Their quest had been worth all the pains it cost.” Jill from The Silver Chair, The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis

    No one can avoid pain. No one will go through life without hurt. We all have been hurt, are hurt and will hurt. Pain is costly and can be brutal, wounding us deeply and challenging us to the end of ourselves.

    Upon finishing The Silver Chair in The Chronicles of Narnia series the line quoted above resonated in my heart. The quest to find the Prince had its pains, both physical and emotional. The quest was not faultless and actually had more errors than not. There were many unknowns in the quest. Yet at the end of the quest, Jill sees the people and animals of Narnia celebrating the Prince found and returned and thinks to herself their quest had been worth all the pains it cost.

    My prayer is that you would find encouragement in the quest. Our quest to follow Jesus, to become more and more like Him and live out the life He has called us to live is a grand quest guaranteed to be filled with pain. As you and I follow Him, may we be reminded that at the end of our quest, it will have been worth all the pains it cost.

**Sit in silence again for as long as is available to you.**

Live at Peace ... with Yourself

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

    The call to live at peace is a grand one, a command which we cannot fulfill alone. A transformed heart and mind pursues peace. In Romans 12 God calls us to live at peace and the call to live at peace involves living at peace with those around us as well as living at peace with ourselves.

    Living at peace internally involves forgiveness and one of those persons is myself and yourself. Do I forgive myself? Do you forgive yourself?

    Do I forgive myself for sin or do I continue to beat myself up? Do I forgive myself for the hurt I have caused another or do I continue to seek penance for my fault? Do I forgive myself for any sin in which I held back when I should have stepped forward or do I replay the moment in my head wishing I had stepped up?

    How about you? Do you live in peace or in self-condemnation and shame?
Since there is a high probability that we are not at complete peace within ourselves, where do we begin? How do we sort through intrapersonal peace?

    How about this prayer as prayed by the Psalmist:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23-24

    Grace to you as you pursue peace with possibly the most challenging person to have peace with – yourself.

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

Calling the Shots

**Sit quietly, eyes closed in silence for one minute before reading.**

    Left to my own devices I am tempted to call the shots. Left to my own power I am tempted to believe that I can call the shots. Left without truth and reminders of God’s faithfulness I am tempted to take over and call the shots for my life.

    My heart is prone to wander. It is prone to wander away from God, away from trusting Him and away from relationship. My heart is prone to self-protect and walk away rather than be vulnerable and walk towards God.

    How grateful I am that God is not prone to wander and He has no need to self-protect. He is the most vulnerable and the most intimate. He is also the most loving yet I am tempted to doubt His goodness and faithfulness.

    I am tempted to call the shots because deep down I think that He has abandoned me. I believe that He has forgotten and someone’s gotta take care of things and that someone is me. I am tempted to jump the gun and call the shots while Jesus calls me to wait and trust. Wait. Trust. I’ve got it, Laura.

    When are you tempted to take over and call the shots? Take some time and allow God to show you what is going on beneath the surface, under the desire to call the shots.

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**

The Gift of Simplicity

**Sit quietly, eyes closed and in silence for one minute before reading.**

    I watch my daughter play with a box of wipes and think, “she is content with the simplest thing.” You all have watched in amazement as young children would rather play with cardboard boxes and tissue paper than with the toys they enclosed. It is amazing the simple things that capture their attention and joy! (And we wonder whether we could have saved a lot of money by just getting them a box!)

    Watching the contentment of children with simple things is an image for us. It is an image that is a striking reminder that God also calls us to contentment through the simple.  The Apostle Paul takes about contentment through simplicity in Philippians 4.

    A beautiful piece of fruit that comes from simplifying is that it is easier to let go of things. It is easier to let go because so much in life is truly “extra”. As we recognize these “extras” the things of the world fall into their proper place. In addition, the practice of simplifying leads us to trust God more. Our simple desire becomes for God. Through simplicity our peripheral affections are stripped away and we fall deeper and deeper in love with God.

    What would it look like to simplify, even if in one area of your life?
    Try simplifying and connect with God in richer and deeper ways.

**Sit again in silence for as long as is available to you.**